Alright.. So in the introductions topic I mentioned that I am a University of Waterloo Engineering student, so I just thought I'd give you all a little bit of insight into the way our minds work as engineers Enjoy!
Before I do post them though, I would like to say that if you have an arts degree, or are working towards one, then there's no hard feelings, we can't all be amazing (No, seriously though.. No offense is intended. This is all only in good fun.)
Understanding Engineers #1:
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2:
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3:
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4:
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5:
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6:
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7:
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8:
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Hope you like them! I will also be posting a song that we engineers like very much - The Plummer's Hymn! (Sorry "Mallory", I know what you're going to say about this, but oh well.. It's happening)
Last Edit: Nov 8, 2010 21:32:48 GMT -5 by Ty Borden
So.. As promised, more insight into how the engineering mind works. A song that we engineers hold very dear to our hearts, a song known to engineers from around the globe. A song that has been through many adaptations and personalizations, a song that is so traditional, it's original roots are not known to man. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado - The Plummer's Hymn!!!!
(Sung to the tune of the "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
CHORUS: We are, we are, we are the engineers; We can, we can, demolish forty beers. Drink rum, drink rum, drink rum, drink rum so come along with us - For we don't give a damn for any damn man who don't give a damn for us!
Godiva was a lady, who through Coventry did ride To show to all the villagers her lovely bare white hide. The most observant villager; an engineer of course, Was the only one to notice that GODIVA RODE A HORSE
Said she, "I've come a long, long way, and I will go as far With the man who takes me from this horse and leads me to a bar." The men who took her from her steed and stood her to a beer Were a blurry-eyed surveyor and a DRUNKEN ENGINEER!
Godiva woke next morning and she had an awful head, Decided to be sensible and spend the day in bed. The only ones to visit her and bring her lots of cheer Were the broken-down surveyor and the BLOODSHOT ENGINEER!
Godiva died, and where she fell a benchmark marks the spot - In any engineering text its level can be got. And up in heaven everyday Godiva craves for beer, but She'll have to wait 'til the gates let IN THE ENGINEERS!
An artsie and an engineer once found a gallon can. Said the artsie, "Match me drink for drink, as long as you can stand." They drank three drinks, the artsie fell, his face was turning green: But the engineer drank on and said "IT'S ONLY GASOLINE"!
An artsie and an engineer were stranded on a boat. One man above capacity; the poor thing would not float. The engineer would flip a coin to settle the dispute, So she flipped it in the water and the ARTSIE GAVE PURSUIT!
I happened once upon a girl whose eyes were full of fire, Her physical endowments would have made your hands perspire. To my surprise she told me she never had been kissed, For her boyfriends had been artsies or COMPUTER SCIENTISTS!
My father was a miner in the upper Malamute, My mother was a mistress in a house of ill-repute. They kicked me out at a tender age and never shed a tear - They said, "Get out of here, you son-of-a-bitch, and JOIN THE ENGINEERS!"
My father peddles opium, my mother's on the dole. My sister used to walk the streets, but now she's on parole. My brother runs a restaurant with bedrooms in the rear, But they won't even speak to me 'cause I'M AN ENGINEER!
The modern Engineer must be politically correct, No more motors lubricating, no more buildings rise erect, No more electrical capacitors whose plates are high and fair Instead of problem solving let's just SIT AROUND AND CARE!
The army and the navy boys went out to have some fun Down at the local tavern where the fiery liquors run. But all they found were empties, for the engineers had come And traded all their instruments for GALLON JUGS OF RUM!
The firehose by day and forty beers by night, An engineer may never sleep and still be just as bright. And should you ever ask him how he keeps up his routine, He'll raise his trusty cup of Java, SMILE AND SAY "CAFFEINE"!
Sir Francis Drake and all his men set out for Calais Bay - They'd heard the Spanish rum fleet would be headed up that way. But the engineers had beat them by a night and half a day And though as drunk as they could be, you STILL COULD HEAR THEM SAY...
Caeser went to Egypt at the age of fifty-three, But Cleopatra's blood was warm, her heart was young and free. So every night when Julius said goodnight at three o'clock, A roman engineer was waiting JUST AROUND THE BLOCK!
Rapunzel let her hair down for two suitors down below, So one of them could grab a hold and give the old heave-ho The prince began to climb at once, but soon came out the worst, For the engineer rode up a lift, and REACHED RAPUNZEL FIRST!
Elvis was a legend; he's the King of Rock 'n Roll, But the life that he was leading - well, it finally took its toll. He realized late that he had gone and chosen the wrong career: So he faked his death, went back to school - now HE'S AN ENGINEER!
As legend goes an apple fell on poor Sir Isaac's head, And Newtonian Mechanics then was born, took hold and spread. Too bad he was a physicist and not an engineer, If he wore a hardhat, we'd have LESS CLASS AND MORE BEER!
The engineers of Peter the Great, who was a Russian Tsar, While fixing up his palace, put a throne room in the bar. They lined the walls with vodka, rum, and forty kinds of beer, And advanced the Russian culture by AT LEAST A HUNDRED YEARS!
Said the beauty to the engineer, "My beer is getting warm. Unless some more is brought to me, I'll retire to the dorm." The Engineer said "Go to hell, I'm not a money tree, If you're so goddamn thirsty, you can BUY A BEER FOR ME"!
A man sat in a tavern with a lovely looking lass And stared, when for the nineteenth time she raised and drained her glass. He said "You've out-drunk four strong men, and half the bar, my dear." But the maiden smiled demurely and said, "I'M AN ENGINEER"!
A wide-eyed artsie chemist and a chemical engineer, Were formulating molecule equations over beer. Each drank a glass of water, but the artsie hit the floor, For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4!
An engineer once came to class so drunk and very late, He stumbled through the lecture hall at an ever-diminishing rate. The only things that held him up, and kept him on his course, Were the boundary condition and the ELECTROMOTIVE FORCE!
Venus is a statue made entirely of stone - There's not a fig leaf on her, she's as naked as a bone. On noticing her arms were gone, an engineer discoursed, "The damn thing's busted concrete and it SHOULD BE REINFORCED"!
We love to sing, and drink, and sing: "We are the Engineers," Too bad if we've offended you with any of our cheers. Sometimes we get too rowdy and we go harass the bands, So you best make sure we always have a PITCHER IN OUR HANDS!
Now you've heard our story and you know we're engineers. We love to hate our problem sets, we love to drink our beers. We drink to every person who come here from far and near, 'Cause we're a HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF-A, HELL-OF AN ENGINEER!!!
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Feb 2, 2019 21:32:50 GMT -5
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Feb 2, 2019 21:43:07 GMT -5
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Feb 2, 2019 23:36:55 GMT -5
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Apr 26, 2019 20:52:05 GMT -5
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Nov 29, 2019 14:52:43 GMT -5
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Nov 29, 2019 14:54:08 GMT -5
ryder: ty you are the best at motor circles
Mar 26, 2020 14:56:43 GMT -5
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May 30, 2021 22:52:19 GMT -5